The Boundary of my own Emptiness.: Discussions is an important aspect of learning imho

Newest long discussion on facebook

Voon Soon Yoong
how do you tell if someone's trying to use you?

about an hour ago · ·

- Ken Lim if that person is always taking benefit from you more than you take away any benefit from them?
  about an hour ago ·
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken It's quite hard as differing individuals has differing tactics of doing it.
  about an hour ago ·
- Voon Soon Yoong well ken lim> i'm trying to find out whether they're trying to do that..
  about an hour ago ·
- Jun Yeen By another friend maybe.
  about an hour ago ·
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken ‎Ken Lim True. But how do you calculate benefit?. i mean benefits has differing value for different people.
  about an hour ago ·
- Wilson Lee Kang Wei Okay..I hope it's not me again...I phobia dy..
  about an hour ago ·
- Ken Lim oh well, i feel that someone else is using me when the other party is always asking a lot from me and i dont really enjoy their presence near me
  about an hour ago · · 1 person
- Voon Soon Yoong wing ken> yeah it's true.. that's why it's hard to tell.. but sometimes we know by instinct, and yet there's a part of us that wants to help out, that has sympathy, and doesn't want to label ppl as guilty before trial
  about an hour ago · · 1 person
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken Jun. But how sure are you that the 'another friend' is not trying to use you as well but wants the person that he/she said that's using you out so that he/she can use you more o.0~?
  about an hour ago ·
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken Anyways. Voon* that was actually one the question i was asking myself before i actually thought of before i chose Psychology...
  about an hour ago ·
- Jun Yeen Wing Ken: Hmm. Thats true. How about a good friend/ best friend or perhaps even parents. Since most parents make our life miserable for our own good.
  about an hour ago ·
- Voon Soon Yoong ken lim> everyone can tell when somebody is using us, i understand that well enough. what i meant is, if i have not made myself clear enough, how do you tell if they are TRYING to use you?
  about an hour ago ·
- Jun Yeen Now that's a whole new level.
  about an hour ago ·
- Voon Soon Yoong wilson> pls la, ur not even around..
  about an hour ago · · 1 person
- Jfkthesecond Wing Soon if someone is REALLY good at using you, you wont be able to tell
  about an hour ago · · 2 people
- Voon Soon Yoong we all know if someone is using us, if it's already happening.. but what we want is to know if they're having the intention to do so, even before they are successful in doing it, we want to prevent it, not cure it, anyway, it cannot be cured...
  about an hour ago · · 1 person
- Voon Soon Yoong vincent> true.. but most of the time we let it pass, unless it's really starting to bother us.. give and take 40:60, 50:50 is ok, but if it gets up to 10:90.. then it's a problem
  about an hour ago · · 1 person
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken ah, Jun* i kinda agree with you but never forget that Humans are driven by different aspects of our personality. which is Greed,Lust, bla bla bla.. the so called "Seven deadly sins" from the bible. But when you actually think about it. Humans being humans are always like that. It's human nature as it's embedded in us since our ancestors. That said. Humans wants 'relations, friends' and such is actually due to the fact that we want benefits from them. Would your parents actually give birth and raise you if they were not expecting something in return? Would i actually be friends with Voon or even be good to my brother if i were to not want any benefits? But even after all i've said. Adam Smith's "invisible hand" guides all of our "Sins" to help the overall people we know. If you get what i mean...
  about an hour ago ·
- Jfkthesecond Wing Soon wall of text without paragraphs alert
  about an hour ago · · 1 person
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken oops... sorry, forgot to press Shift+enter...
  about an hour ago ·
- Voon Soon Yoong kenneth i think you might be going a bit out of track with that ==.. still very insightful nonetheless.. but i dont seek benefits from friends or ppl, i need friends as company, to socialize and so on, but when it comes to benefits, it's best to give and take, approximately equal amounts if possible. aaand i think we'll know why we give birth when we're old enough.. maybe it's the sex..
  about an hour ago · · 1 person
- Jun Yeen Oooookay. I just dun get the Adam Smith part. Who the hell is he? If your talking about benefits then everyone is greedy and so begin the using of the person we know for personal gains.
  about an hour ago ·
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken Ah Voon* ^_^
  " i need friends as company, to socialize and so on," Isn't that a kind of benefit 8D ?
  about an hour ago ·
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken
  Jun Yeen* as you can see. "If your talking about benefits then everyone is greedy and so begin the using of the person we know for personal gains."
  But as i said. There will always be something that would make our greed and such benefit other people.
  For example, What Voon said. "i need friends as company, to socialize and so on" That is what he wants. But by doing so he's also benefiting other people by giving himself as a company to his companies and to let someone socialize with him.
  about an hour ago · · 1 person
- Jun Yeen Actually, why do we have to be so calculative in life. It's just gonna make us not happy in the end.
  about an hour ago ·
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken Jun Yeen*... This is life...
  about an hour ago ·
- Voon Soon Yoong yeah, but i mean, mostly it's mutual benefits, and abstract stuff, not those stuff like "what will i get if i hang out with this guy/girl" kind of thinking..
  about an hour ago · · 1 person
- Jun Yeen Then it means ur gonna have a not-so-happy life
  about an hour ago ·
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken Life is never happy when you learn the cold hard truth about it.
  about an hour ago ·
- Wilson Lee Kang Wei Anyway friendship is sacrificial sometimes..you don't get cool friends all the time..
  about an hour ago · · 1 person
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken Wilson* I don't need 'cool' friends actually.. what i need is someone that can help me when i actually need it and makes me want to help them.
  about an hour ago ·
- Martin Tillier Ask them to do something for you which will cost them, either just in effort , time or money, without the promise of you being able to immediately returning the favour...and see what the response is..
  about an hour ago · · 3 people
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken makes me want to help them*= That's very suggestive in a way.
  about an hour ago ·
- Voon Soon Yoong jun yeen, we're not being calculative, if someone keeps taking from you 90% of the time, and giving only 10% of the time, would you be ok with that?
  about an hour ago ·
- Voon Soon Yoong then i'd rather have a not-so happy life alone with myself, than to have a life which looks happy on the outside but filled with dissatisfaction due to being leeched by your own so-called friends...
  about an hour ago · · 1 person
- Wilson Lee Kang Wei The term COOL friends includes those who you want to help and help you..^^
  about an hour ago · · 1 person
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken ‎"then i'd rather have a not-so happy life alone with myself, than to have a life which looks happy on the outside but filled with dissatisfaction due to being leeched by your own so-called "
  
  I really love the "happy on the outside but filled with dissatisfaction due to being leeched by your own so-called friends" part
  about an hour ago ·
- Jun Yeen When i meant calculative, i just meant the small stuff not 90:10. That's just outrageous. But then its not like all the friends u know take benefit of 90:10 from you. Right?
  about an hour ago ·
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken Anyways regarding responses
  Responses in a way is actually very hard to be defined as each individual gives different responses and we sometimes even tend to think of other individual's response differently.
  about an hour ago · · 1 person
- Wilson Lee Kang Wei voon: Not so sure bout that,but i'm sure you'll find some friends that actually worth keeping
  about an hour ago · · 1 person
- Voon Soon Yoong jun yeen: i take it as an insult from you if you think that i'm being calculative on the small stuff which i never do in my whole life. if you feel that im such a person then i'm sorry that i've treated you differently from others
  about an hour ago ·
- Voon Soon Yoong wilson: i've already found plenty of friends that are worth keeping. i'm talking about new friends, people that come along and appear in some part of our lives in the future. and also, current friends may change too. so we never know..
  about an hour ago · · 2 people
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken also, sorry for before as i've not quite finished the sentence.
  "Life is never happy when you learn the cold hard truth about it." But even still, you can take most of the benefits from this thing called life and it'll still be worthwhile*
  about an hour ago ·
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken Humans change... Our Super-Ego forces us to.. =.=ll
  about an hour ago ·
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken But still i hope that i myself wouldn't change for the worse.
  about an hour ago ·
- Voon Soon Yoong Mr Martin has given us a very good, mature and practical suggestion.. thumbs up.. i'll need to come up with a way to try it out..
  59 minutes ago · · 1 person
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken True. But there will be three types of responses.
  One from the people that actually Really loves to help people out.
  One from people that nonchalantly does it for you even though he's reluctant to
  And also from people that does not even bother or even wants to help you.
  Differing people always has differing responses. That way it'll be easier for us to categorize XD
  56 minutes ago · · 1 person
- Jun Yeen Voon: Dun misunderstand. I used that sentence to reply wingken's comment. And yeah, i know your not calculative from the moment you've got your pajero.
  54 minutes ago ·
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken which of my comment were you referring to o.0~?
  54 minutes ago ·
- Jun Yeen The one before my "calculative" coment
  52 minutes ago ·
- Jun Yeen Wing Ken: OO sry, it the one for your longest comment.
  50 minutes ago ·
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken
  you know you could have just quoted it to not make any misunderstandings right o.0~?
  But still i think you have misunderstood what i've actually said regarding my longest comment during that time.
  
  "ah, Jun* i kinda agree with you but never forget that Humans are driven by different aspects of our personality. which is Greed,Lust, bla bla bla.. the so called "Seven deadly sins" from the bible. But when you actually think about it. Humans being humans are always like that. It's human nature as it's embedded in us since our ancestors. That said. Humans wants 'relations, friends' and such is actually due to the fact that we want benefits from them. Would your parents actually give birth and raise you if they were not expecting something in return? Would i actually be friends with Voon or even be good to my brother if i were to not want any benefits? But even after all i've said. Adam Smith's "invisible hand" guides all of our "Sins" to help the overall people we know. If you get what i mean..."
  
  That's why i actually gave an example on my next comment in which
  "Jun Yeen* as you can see. "If your talking about benefits then everyone is greedy and so begin the using of the person we know for personal gains."
  But as i said. There will always be something that would make our greed and such benefit other people.
  For example, What Voon said. "i need friends as company, to socialize and so on" That is what he wants. But by doing so he's also benefiting other people by giving himself as a company to his companies and to let someone socialize with him."
  
  I myself is actually not being calculative about this. but i'm giving an example of how doing something in turn will somehow benefit the overall people. even though it's only beneficial to you.
  Get what i mean now?
  46 minutes ago ·
- Jun Yeen OMG!! Do u really have to reply like writing an essay? LOL
  44 minutes ago ·
- Voon Soon Yoong mostly it's copied from the previous comments, to enable easy referencing.. and prevent confusion.. it's good.
  42 minutes ago · · 1 person
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken so long as to not have any misunderstandings. Yes...
  Well. That's the most formal to reply other people imho. By quoting from other people, That means that he is actually being respected. That's what quoting means to me anyways.
  42 minutes ago ·
- Voon Soon Yoong
  just an example, if i have to pick someone up, that person might think it's a give and take deal, considering im supplying him a ride, and he's supplying me a company..
  but think again, he made the choice to ask me, and let me pick him up, but did he let the other person make the choice whether to agree or not agree?
  2ndly, if he's supplying me a company, did he think about whether i want or doesn't want this company?
  3rdly, if i want this company, did he think i might want it today and not want it on other days?
  4thly, if it's ok to pick him up 1 time, doesn't mean it's ok to pick him up all the time.
  anyway im just giving a general example, not referring to anyone, nothing personal..
  37 minutes ago · · 1 person
- Jun Yeen Alright, i get what u mean Ken. I misunderstood because i thought your example was very very calculative until your talking about parents giving birth stuff. I'm honored to have your respect. Okay, here i am going out of topic but at first u did that, i thought your trying to find my weak spots and show it to me. I'm sorry for that. Well, everyone thinks differently. That's how humans are. No offense Ken.
  34 minutes ago ·
- Voon Soon Yoong
  ‎5th, if i dont have to pick anyone up, i will have much more freedom, i can start my journey anytime i wan to, just imagine if i have to take a shit or a piss before i start my journey, i dont have to be all stressed up about the time i'm taking.. i can take my own sweet time and enjoy it while it lasts.
  6th, what if i feel like i dont wana go at the last minute, if im not picking anyone up, i can do just that. but if not, i'll have to make a call, or an sms, eventhough it's not much, but still it's a burden that should not have been there in the first place. a charity should never be a burden to the person doing it. isn't that so?
  33 minutes ago ·
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken
  ‎"if i have to pick someone up, that person might think it's a give and take deal, considering im supplying him a ride, and he's supplying me a company..
  but think again, he made the choice to ask me, and let me pick him up, but did he let the other person make the choice whether to agree or not agree?
  2ndly, if he's supplying me a company, did he think about whether i want or doesn't want this company?
  3rdly, if i want this company, did he think i might want it today and not want it on other days?
  4thly, if it's ok to pick him up 1 time, doesn't mean it's ok to pick him up all the time.
  5th, if i dont have to pick anyone up, i will have much more freedom, i can start my journey anytime i wan to, just imagine if i have to take a shit or a piss before i start my journey, i dont have to be all stressed up about the time i'm taking.. i can take my own sweet time and enjoy it while it lasts.
  6th, what if i feel like i dont wana go at the last minute, if im not picking anyone up, i can do just that. but if not, i'll have to make a call, or an sms, eventhough it's not much, but still it's a burden that should not have been there in the first place. a charity should never be a burden to the person doing it. isn't that so?"
  
  Now That.. You have to ask yourself this and you'll also have to ask him about it. ^_^
  Also, regarding " a charity should never be a burden to the person doing it. isn't that so?""
  I myself think that charity is only given to other people when one is able to afford giving it. But although you are unable to afford it, it's actually okey to forego doing a charity.
  
  Jun* Tis' okey.
  31 minutes ago ·
- Voon Soon Yoong also, does the person deserve the charity he is receiving? this is important to justify, whether it is worth your trouble..
  29 minutes ago · · 1 person
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken If i were to say anymore on " i thought your trying to find my weak spots and show it to me" I will actually offend someone...
  28 minutes ago ·
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken ‎"also, does the person deserve the charity he is receiving? this is important to justify, whether it is worth your trouble.."
  That my friend. Is based on your personal opinion on that particular individual.
  28 minutes ago · · 1 person
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken and only yourself can make that decision*
  27 minutes ago ·
- Voon Soon Yoong
  it is okay for people to find our weak spots and show it to us, there is no point in hiding our weak spots, it is just like lying to oneself. we should always accept our weaknesses, and the fact that all humans are not perfect and everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, it is through this that we can learn to improve ourselves, correct our mistakes, and overcome our weaknesses. if we cannot accept our own weaknesses, then we will never go beyond it.
  26 minutes ago · · 2 people
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken Thanks for that Voon*
  25 minutes ago ·
- Voon Soon Yoong
  i didnt mean whether the person is a good person or a bad person to deserve the charity, what i meant was, whether the person gives and takes, which makes it ok for us to also give and take. so in other words, TO US, does the person deserveour help? this is a mutual thing, if others help us, we should help them. confucius says, don't do unto others what you don't want others to do unto you, and vice versa. also, mano says, ask what you can give before you ask what you can take.
  23 minutes ago · · 2 people
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken well.. i have to hand it to you there...
  i actually agree with confucius
  18 minutes ago · · 1 person
- Jun Yeen DJ MANO dude! LMAO! This talk really made me learn alot. I thank you all for teaching me to be a better person.
  14 minutes ago ·
- Kenneth Hooi Wing Ken in a way. This is how a normal discussion would be like. In which people exchange ideas and such and one learns from other people rather than just thinking that one has the best idea. Even though your friend's idea might seem bad, You don't have to use their idea. But always take what they say into consideration. This is how we actually learn.
  7 minutes ago ·