I have actually been feeling quite down recently.
Things that have yet to be done. So many things to read, so many things to write. Sights that have yet to be seen by me, people whom i have yet to become acquainted with. I wonder...
Before i continue on with my ramblings, please do note that this is not a plea for help nor something in which i want people to read. I just feel like writing it here as by writing here i would be able to at least take my mind off things...
3.43 AM is the time right now that i am using to start writing here. . .
I have been acting rather odd lately seeing that i still have yet to accomplish anything at the age of 18. (Which by the way was 4 days ago)... And so have i actually came up with something serious that i intend to finish it off. Actually there are five things that's the main priority in my list.
1. Which is to Finish off a Novella/Short story of some sort.
2. To be able to pass my whole Foundation year without any fails or anything on that line.
3. To find someone whom truly understands me.
4. To visit another Country(European) for the last holiday of my Bachelor's Degree.
and lastly,
5. To graduate My Bachelor's degree without looking back as if i wasted my university life doing absolutely nothing.
Being a cynical arse that i am, i doubt there are people who are able to truly gauge or even analyze what i think. But i do consider myself lazy, spineless, egocentric, piece of useless organic substance in which not even an angel could help. . . (As i've said... I'm in a major Depression episode)...
Another thing that may have actually contributed to my self-actualization of my depression may be due to the fact that i don't really feel close to any living person anymore. It's as though we are of different society which holds differing norms. Not accepting how i am as a person. They started to drift further apart. And i may even be the catalyst of this imminent break of their friendship.
In a way, i actually do have 3 circle of acquaintances in the University in which all three of the circles in my opinion is starting to blossom while leaving me. A tiny pod to rot in the very same soil that we were planted on. I myself wonder is this due to the fact that i may have wasted precious time that could have enhance our interpersonal relationship, rejecting events that may lead to us having stronger bond?
Apart from these things that has been bothering me, I actually am a little bit disgusted at myself for not studying efficiently since the starting of this week. The Examination is right around the corner and i am still procrastinating and enjoying my blissful life here in Kampar. Although constantly reminding myself to start revising, i have not been able to do until yesterday morning in which i went to the library to study... (It's 4.14 AM Now).
-More updates to follow soon . . .
